Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
