We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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