Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
