Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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