I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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