Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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