she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
