Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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