Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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