Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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