& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
