the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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