then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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