Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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