I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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