after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
