My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
