I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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