now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This baby is an asshole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Randomize
