Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I cut my penus on the lid.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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