You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
