I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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