I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
