Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
