anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
