id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
