do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Two words: blizzard sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
