New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
