I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
