yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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