Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
