Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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