I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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