the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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