And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize