Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
