i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
