Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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