My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
