after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
