I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
