Plan B is the new Plan A
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
