I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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