I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I believe in your delicious
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
