You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
