I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
