singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
