I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
