But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
