She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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