speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
