I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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