Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
