You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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