my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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