she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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