Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
