Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
