OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
