my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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