Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
