There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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