I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
