You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
