Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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