My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
