Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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