Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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