"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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