Cold hands, warm shart.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
