K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
